Have been away from writing for a while and felt like writing again. So, I retired after 23 years of serving my country. No regrets and would do it all over again. I wasn’t sure what would be next. I started out as a medic and reclassified as a nurse to have that when I retired. I no longer wanted to do that when I retired. I had my fill of death and dying. I still had the need to help others. I decided to try massage therapy. Went to school and opened my own business. I loved it. I went back to school and got licensed in other aspects of the health and beauty industry also while running my business.

The challenges of the civilian life were strong in school. What were considered professional standards compared to the military were very different. Respect was very different between individuals. Being in a professional environment and students knowing how to act professional was a challenge for me to deal with. The lack of normal coping skills created from PTSD came to the forefront. Then the vicious cycle begins. People don’t understand what you think or feel. They don’t see the reality you do. There was one person in the faculty there that was a great support for me. It was a difficult 2 years on one hand, but a very good experience as well. It is a rewarding industry for what you can do for people and how you can help them.

My business was going great. I could have stayed open 24 hours a day and stayed busy. I still had to deal with me and issues though. Then the “pandemic”. I won’t talk about it with my 25 years of medical experience, but I do have strong feelings about it. I was considered a non-essential business by the governor of my state. I was angry and relieved at the same time. Angry for being told I was non-essential and that anyone can decide that for me in this country. I was relieved because inside I was going through something. I was needing to totally be away from people anyway. I loved my clients, but I couldn’t tolerate being around people. It took me a while to admit that to anyone else out loud. Now I am writing it here. I know it is okay that I felt that way now.

That is the true reason I started this business. I was thinking about PTSD and how it affected my life. How others misunderstand it or don’t understand it. How can I bring awareness to PTSD? That is when I decided on creating things for awareness. I can help on a different scale, but I have the need to help. I can be my current anti-social self. The biggest benefit of this that I didn’t expect is creating is very therapeutic for me. I create with my heart and feelings and wherever it takes me. This journey is an amazing thing!